a dream

I've had more than once

and again last night....

in the ocean

(warm)

enormous!

sea creatures swimming by

tentacles

brushing up against my legs

 

not frightened

but intrigued

being

comfortable alone

trying 

trying 

circumstances 

withstood 

prolong the magic!

In time. . .

things will seem normal

unbended

and spontaneous!

not now

waiting

 knowing 
one day
it will 
all

come again

You

who make me disappear completely,

thanks.

entreat

persimmons in early November 

and happy feet
!!

earlgreylavender

in one cup 

the hole in the garden

gapes at the dusky sky

under the radar

friends are

future predictors of 

the 

highest 

kind

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My first finished story (in a long time)

Yes!

check it out.

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☆ヽ(▽⌒*)よろしぅ♪

the idea that. . .

a place can affect us

in a totally unexpected way.

I've always liked this idea, but Kunitachi changed everything.

I was literally in love with a city.

After camping and traveling for a month

and almost moving to Chiba

We ventured into Kichijoji

(Inokashira park!)

Anything along the chuo line

changed my perception of reality

not from simply being in a foreign country

but from a different way of life

zeitaku 

is a word that describes my feelings at that time

luxurious
in the sense that you want for nothing

artistically

mystery surrounds us, eludes us

A conversation with a friend light years away on the phone the other night:

'Life is really weird, isn't it? You just don't know what tomorrow will bring.'

me:

'Yeah, I suppose, but what's with all the waxing philosophical?'

friend:

'No, really. Think about it. Life is very very strange.'

After I got off the phone, I did indeed have a strange, unexpected night. 

I sometimes forget about the mystery. 

Smiling, winged messengers

thanks.

Waxing 'natsukashii'

natsukashii: nostalgic 

 with the realization that though you can never return to a certain time in your life, 

some bright, Christmas-gift moments in the past are in fact living things 

even

in this moment

Candy Pot
(is this not the best bar name ever?)

a bar just a stone's throw from where I used to live

a bar where Haruki Murakami frequents

and you can understand why

A feeling like you are in the most laid-back living room 

a warmth of comfort
that only jazz can bring

and the best potato salad in the world.

ya-ho!!!!!

that's something like saying 'Marco!' in English

well, YA-HO y'all.

Question for today:

Why do I put things that I really, really want to do on the back burner?

It must have something to do with being afraid of what is going to come out, what's going to emerge.

My creative philosophy is very much in line with something that Haruki Murakami said about how artists are not unlike archaeologists. We dig, we excavate. 

In other words, we have no control over what is extracted from the center of the earth.

Archaeology is in my blood, I think. And yet, I can't deal sometimes with what objects I find. Today, I realized that yes, indeed, my fears are legit. Unearthing things that have been dormant for years and years is, in fact, sometimes frightening when faced in plain sight.

You may have seen this post before. . .

Ok, I've had a few deja-vu moments in the last few days. . .

A few days ago at work, fairly early in the morning, I was reading something on the internet about 'The Magic Flute' and a customer walked in. After she made copies and was paying at the register, I had all I could do not to squeal, 'I am having CRAZY deja vu right now!!' 

No, instead, I made small talk about the warm weather.

I can't remember exactly the other triggers for deja vu that have happened in the last couple of days, but suffice to say, there have been many.

It makes me think. . .what the hell is deja vu anyway?

Is it something simply physical, like a brain hiccup. . .or is it a Jungian-like connection between the waking world and the subconscious mind?

Black Whole

Do you ever get the feeling that you're living in a vacuum?
A place devoid of any life-forms, air, or water except for yourself
(and then, sometimes even your own existence seems questionable)?
Well, I do.
It's something that doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it comes like a single feather floating down from a cloud.

I look up and there it is.
Silence.
No bird in sight, either.

It's at a time exactly like this when I feel that ---wow!--- I can paint a picture, work on a story that I haven't yet finished, experiment with something completely different than my norm,
INCUBATE.

what to think

of the moon

on a lovely camp night 

sans tent

look with a feeling of something into and out of

reach

definition of the day

Thank you Candy Babel! ♡

half moon thoughts. . .

the moon a perfect half

tonight

dizzy with gladness

and life in the air

fall is approaching and with it BOOKS to be read and written

someday

when the world is cold. . .

thank you, tony

for this moment

when I can laugh at the world

and know

that things change

even when we don't want them to

tonight is a time when I will remember

true north is my home.

Think

BIG!!!

you have a choice to be creative

your creative outcome is going to be completely different than someone else's

in other words

no one can do what you do

though they might try to

if they like it

nothing wrong with a little flattery

the only limitation you have is your own damn censorship

I'm so happy right now

I'm nearly speechless.

I guess I never realized how much my living situation affected my spirit. Undoubtedly, being in a downright awful situation builds character, but I was nearly at my breaking point.

I guess I'm just too old to have roommates unless they're:

A. friends of mine already.
or
B. sharing a room in a hostel or guesthouse with me, in which case we all know it's a temporary thing and we can share a couple of laughs as complete strangers and go our separate ways.

The guesthouse on Alberta, though, is kind of super special, though. It's this gorgeous, clean house that reminds me of a zen temple, and only awesome, chill people seem to gravitate toward staying there. I may be spoiled forever!

paradoxing

things that I think I HAVE to do or the world is going to end

give them up

Now

they are killing me 

curious

after laying them down

at the cross

they are no longer haunting

or 

daunting

Hooray

for other people being in my life

for finding the inspiration to write again

for seeing positive changes and feeling grateful

for finding that 'myself' is a self that is not limited to just ME

expand!

changes. . .

The biggest change being. . .

I see people who are living their lives for other people.

Nothing wrong with that. I think it's something that everyone does naturally, whether they realize it or not.

There's something to be said, though, for trying to live your life in a way that inspires others to be better people.

Last day. . .

in Portland, a city which I have enjoyed immensely and unexpectedly.

I came for an audition and found a whole world of urban gardens, rainbow-flowers, of people my own age. More than that, though, I rediscovered something of the dream I used to have of what my life could be. Living in Japan for almost ten years has been enlightening in its own way, but there is more in this life than meets the planning, linear mind.

Faith has opened up infinite possibilities once again.

eleven minutes

I used to write 3 pages a day, a very good suggestion from Julia Cameron’s ‘The Artists’ Way, but I think now that I need to tailor that suggestion to my own personality. Ten minutes of writing per day, or maybe eleven.  Yes, actually when I think about it, eleven minutes (also the title of one of my favorite Coelho novels) is more like it. An odd number (for whatever reason, I’ve always liked odd numbers), my birthday is on the 11th (10/11, which may explain the reason why I wavered between ten minutes and eleven minutes at first), and well, to be honest, ten minutes, a nice round ten minutes in which I could flesh out something juicy, or just write about what kind of a day it was, or have a rant, or, well, you get the picture. . . and then, it’s over. A unclimatic ending, no shaboo-shabang, no ping of a penny on tin, or a dense gong, no nothing. 

But, in eleven minutes, 

same scenario, a story in it’s completion, looking so so bleak, and then, 

in that very last minute, the fateful thing swings this way and that, and you think which one, which one? And there is a moment which may be brilliant, a

trivial beautiful possibility.

Fortune cookie writing

Making Valentine's Day Fortune Cookies

(a zen-ish poem of sorts)

A new love will soon come your way.

You are intelligent, witty, and people like you.

There have been stormy clouds lately, but the sun is about to break through.

The special person in your heart also loves you!

You will soon meet a new friend.

You have an incredible talent just waiting to emerge.

A friend from a long time ago will soon come back into your life.

You have a secret admirer.

You will discover a new passion soon.

An idea which you had a long time ago will come back to you.

Be generous with others and you will find much joy.

Give away everything you have and you will find a new life.

You are a truly happy person.

You have a talent for making people smile.

Let your sun shine.

Open your heart and have no regrets.

Your glass is more than half full.

If you’re going the wrong way, turn around and go back.

but, most of all,

Wait for the right moment.

There are worse things. . .

than not writing everyday.

Tragedies do occur. Being in the acting world for so long, one can forget that real life, especially in times of grief, is all-all consuming.


I agree that I sound maudlin' despite the fact that I'm trying so hard NOT to.


What I mean, is that, grief colors one's world. What I wanted to believe (what happened was a horrible dream; I will wake up tomorrow, and it will all be over), isn't even half the truth. When I wake up the next day, things won't be better; in fact, I will feel worse--- not unlike a terrible bout of influenza.


Feeling this feeling of missing someone who is no longer there reminds me of high school; loving a person who didn't love me back, the feeling that without this love, things would never be the same.


Except it's 100% worse.


There are two certainties in life, so it goes, and I'm not talking about taxes.

New Year's Resolution (no 's')

click click click

One big resolution.

Click!

Write everyday.

Without fail.

It's been a long dry season----life in the desert isn't fun at all, unless you're a cactus.

She sits in a thoughtful pose. She was planning to make a long list of resolutions, but ONE is enough.

hmmm....

It never occurred to Midori, but perhaps some things needed to be worked out, before moving on.....